drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just invented taco cereal.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
