He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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