I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
