Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She needs sedatives and a leash
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
