Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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