I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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