guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Randomize
