I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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