And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
