And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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