its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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