I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
