barbara walters just said penis...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
