He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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