I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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