I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
