I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
