the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
