turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
