I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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