I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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