I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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