OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
