In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
