Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
