I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
