i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
