I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
