the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
