it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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