Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
