No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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