Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
