I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
