but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
