Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
