Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
