That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Michael Bay diarrhea
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
