super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
