There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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