id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
