his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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