I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
