Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
