I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
