Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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