Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
