I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
