dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
