I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
two words: eviction party
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
