Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
