I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
