You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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