Whod you bang
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
