anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
