I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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