There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How does it feel to date your dad?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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